#!/usr/bin/perl -w
# LiveJournal Sitcom Episode Synopsis Generator
#
# First version created 15 August 2003
# Ryan N. Freebern / rfreebern@corknut.org
#
# http://www.corknut.org/toys/sitcom/
# http://www.livejournal.com/users/rfreebern/
#
# This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution License. To view a copy of this
# license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/1.0/ or send a letter to
# Creative Commons, 559 Nathan Abbott Way, Stanford, California 94305, USA.
#
# What this means is that you are allowed to copy, distribute, display, and modify this file
# as long as you attribute the original to me, preferably in a publicly-visible location, like
# down at the bottom of the results page. Here is some handy HTML code that you can use:
#
# Based on code by Ryan Freebern.
#
# Thanks for being a decent person! :)
use strict;
use CGI; # For communication with the user's browser.
use LWP::Simple; # For fetching LiveJournal userinfo pages.
use Cache::FileCache; # For saving parsed userinfo.
# Set up a whole load of variables.
my $q = new CGI;
my ($username, $title, @friends, @actors, $t1, $t2, @characters, $let, @channels, $channel, $time);
my (@sentences, @titles, @joins, @ends, @objects, @animals, @people, @places, @concepts, $description);
# Get input parameter, if it exists.
$username = $q->param('username');
# Set up all the various lists.
@sentences = ('%friend% buys %friend% a %animal%.', '%friend% and %friend% perform slapstick at %place%.', '%friend% eats %friend%\'s raspberry cheesecake.', '%friend% accidentally breaks %friend%\'s %object%.',
'%friend% and %friend% collaborate on writing a romance novel.', '%friend% uses %friend%\'s %object%.', '%friend% is allergic to %friend%\'s %object%.', '%friend% thinks %friend% is a Martian.',
'%friend% tries on %friend%\'s pants without permission.', '%friend% borrows %friend%\'s car to drive to the beach.', '%friend% keeps accidentally stepping on %friend%\'s foot.',
'%friend% lets %friend% borrow a %object% to impress a %person%.', '%friend% ruins %friend%\'s favourite %object% while house-sitting.', '%friend% overhears %friend% talking about %concept%.',
'%friend% invents a new kind of %object% and gets %friend% to sell it.', '%friend% auditions for a movie starring opposite %friend%.', '%friend% borrows money from %friend%\'s %person%.',
'%friend% bakes 500 cookies for a bake sale, but %friend% eats them all.', '%friend% nixes %friend%\'s picnic plans.', '%friend% takes %friend% bowling.', '%friend% tells a joke that offends %friend%.',
'%friend% buys a wheelbarrow from %friend%.', '%friend%\'s new friend alienates %friend%.', '%friend% thinks %friend% has a Brooklyn accent.', '%friend% tells %friend% about Scientology.',
'%friend% buys %friend%\'s old %object%.', '%friend% burns %friend%\'s %object%.', '%friend% and %friend% kiss at %place%.', '%friend% sets %friend%\'s %object% on fire.', '%friend% and %friend% raise %animal%s.',
'%friend% can\'t open %friend%\'s jar of pickles.', '%friend% cheats on a test, and %friend% finds out.', '%friend% claims to be %friend% in a job interview.', '%friend% dances with %friend%.',
'%friend% gets %friend% drunk.', '%friend% oversleeps and misses lunch with %friend%.', '%friend% gets a job as secretary to %friend%.', '%friend% marries %friend%\'s %person%.',
'%friend% can\'t find %friend%\'s %object% and pretends it was never missing.', '%friend% paints %friend%\'s %object% orange.', '%friend% teaches %friend% about %concept%.',
'%friend% plays chess against %friend%, who doesn\'t know how.', '%friend% tries to seduce %friend% at %place%.', '%friend% falls off %friend%\'s porch and gets hurt.',
'%friend% draws a picture on %friend%\'s forehead.', '%friend% unknowingly gets high before a meeting with %friend%.', '%friend% and %friend% write a children\'s book.',
'%friend% hires %friend% to perform pantomime at %place%.', '%friend% makes %friend% look stupid in front of a large crowd at %place%.', '%friend% trades %object%s with %friend%.',
'%friend% accidentally throws away %friend%\'s %object%.', '%friend% gets mad at %friend% and decides to join the Peace Corps.', '%friend% wipes %friend%\'s laptop.',
'%friend% finds a %object% in %friend%\'s sock drawer.', '%friend% bites %friend%.', '%friend% takes %friend%\'s %person% on a date and ends up necking.', '%friend% and %friend% go waterskiing.',
'%friend% makes fun of %friend% for enjoying %concept%.', '%friend% hits a %object% with %friend%\'s %object%.', '%friend% and %friend% try out for a volleyball team.',
'%friend% discovers that %friend% is taking %concept% lessons.', '%friend% hits on %friend%\'s co-worker.', '%friend%\'s new shirt bleeds in the wash and stains all of %friend%\'s underwear pink.',
'%friend% gets lost on the way to %friend%\'s house and spends the night in %place%.', '%friend% misinterprets an email from %friend% and tries to get into %place% for free.',
'%friend%\'s office\'s air conditioning is broken, and %friend% shows up to fix it.', '%friend% gets in trouble with the law when %friend% discusses %object%s with an undercover cop.',
'%friend% causes problems at work when a file from %friend% has a virus.', '%friend% decides to run for city council, but %friend% refuses to help.', '%friend% learns a card trick from %friend%.',
'%friend% makes lots of money playing guitar on the street and makes %friend% jealous.', '%friend% likes %object%s, but %friend% thinks they\'re disgusting.',
'%friend% accidentally scratches %friend%\'s favorite %object%.', '%friend% breaks %friend%\'s old 100-meter-dash record, but nobody sees it happen.', '%friend% and %friend% buy %place%.',
'%friend% buys %object%s instead of %object%s, ruining %friend%\'s day.', '%friend% hypnotizes %friend% but it doesn\'t work.', '%friend% cleans %friend%\'s apartment and ruins the %object%.',
'%friend% convinces %friend% to buy a %object%.', '%friend% convinces %friend% to learn to speak Tlingit.', '%friend% and %friend% build a shed at %place%.',
'%friend% and %friend% sneak a %object% into %place%.', '%friend% and %friend% find a lost %animal% at %place%.', '%friend% and %friend% don\'t believe in %concept%.');
&shuffleArray(\@sentences);
@objects = ('fork', 'spoon', 'knife', 'plate', 'coffee mug', 'photo album', 'yearbook', 'wedding photo', 'baby photo', 'shirt', 'pants', 'jacket', 'hat', 'cap', 'shoes',
'sock', 't-shirt', 'coat', 'book', 'notebook', 'notepad', 'laptop', 'PDA', 'iPod', 'portable CD player', 'slice of cheesecake', 'chocolate bar', 'ice cream cone',
'sandwich', 'soup', 'bagel', 'salad', 'wristwatch', 'pocketwatch', 'toothbrush', 'sweater', 'sweatshirt', 'vest', 'sneakers', 'pocketknife', 'wallet', 'comb', 'hairbrush',
'hairspray canister', 'bottle of hair gel', 'dental pik', 'cookie', 'mailbox', 'car', 'motorcycle', 'bicycle', 'unicycle', 'backpack', 'novel', 'pillow', 'couch', 'armchair',
'coffee table', 'footstool', 'ottoman', 'end table', 'desk', 'computer', 'printer', 'television set', 'DVD player', 'VCR', 'stereo', '8-track player', 'radio',
'toothpaste', 'mouthwash', 'hand cream', 'shampoo', 'soap', 'pain-killer tablets', 'banana', 'apple', 'pear', 'grapes', 'peach', 'pineapple', 'muffin', 'teabag',
'english muffin', 'toilet', 'water bottle', 'popsicle', 'Klondike bar', 'ice cream sandwich', 'beef jerky', 'condom');
&shuffleArray(\@objects);
@animals = ('dog', 'cat', 'guinea pig', 'parrot', 'canary', 'parakeet', 'kitten', 'puppy', 'goldfish', 'monkey', 'goat', 'alpaca', 'chicken', 'turkey', 'goose', 'swan',
'horse', 'cow', 'bull', 'mule', 'donkey', 'pig', 'rat', 'hamster', 'gerbil', 'mouse', 'rabbit', 'snake', 'salamander', 'gecko', 'iguana', 'turtle', 'terrapin',
'weasel', 'duck', 'chinchilla');
&shuffleArray(\@animals);
@people = ('mother', 'father', 'mom', 'dad', 'sister', 'brother', 'neice', 'nephew', 'son', 'daughter', 'friend', 'teacher', 'professor', 'doctor', 'lawyer', 'priest',
'aunt', 'uncle', 'grandmother', 'grandfather', 'cousin', 'hairdresser', 'psychiatrist', 'manicurist', 'masseuse', 'masseur', 'valet', 'chauffeur', 'therapist',
'enemy', 'co-worker', 'secretary', 'boss', 'grocer', 'barber');
&shuffleArray(\@people);
@places = ('the doctor\'s office', 'the supermarket', 'a playground', 'a bodega', 'the Eiffel Tower', 'the Empire State Building', 'a grocery store', 'a day spa', 'the office',
'a car dealership', 'the library', 'the university', 'the college', 'a high school', 'the beach', 'a forest', 'a deserted mansion', 'an empty warehouse', 'the street',
'an alley', 'the dump', 'the junkyard', 'a homeless shelter', 'the Grand Canyon', 'the airport', 'a preschool', 'a computer store', 'a music store', 'the theatre',
'the cinema', 'a deli', 'a diner', 'a restaurant', 'a fish market', 'the Met', 'the dentist\'s office', 'the lake', 'a hotel', 'a party', 'a Broadway show');
&shuffleArray(\@places);
@concepts = ('secular humanism', 'pacifism', 'quantum mechanics', 'Scientology', 'Marxism', 'circadian rhythms', 'planetary motion', 'continental drift', 'El Nino',
'the Coriolis effect', 'modern dance', 'flirting', 'banana slugs', 'chess', 'Lovecraftian horror', 'cross-stitch', 'ballet');
&shuffleArray(\@concepts);
@joins = ('Meanwhile,', 'At the same time,', 'On the other side of town,', 'Then,', 'Also,', 'Later,', 'That same day,', 'Later that day,', 'Afterwards,',
'Soon afterwards,', 'That night,', 'The next day,', 'The week after,', 'That weekend,', 'In the next town over,', 'Nearby,', 'Upstairs,');
&shuffleArray(\@joins);
@ends = ('Zany antics ensue.', 'Wackiness ensues.', 'Hilarity ensues.', 'Craziness ensues.', 'Insanity ensues.', 'Hilarious results follow.', 'Zany antics follow.',
'Crazy results follow.', 'Wacky results follow.', 'Everyone learns a valuable lesson.', '(Part 1 of 2.)', '(Part 2 of 2.)', '(Season finale.)', '(Series finale.)',
'(Closed captioned.)', 'Presented in HDTV.', 'TV-MA.', 'TV-14.', 'TV-PG.', 'TV-G.', 'Parental discretion advised.');
&shuffleArray(\@ends);
@titles = ('As The %username% Turns', 'Life With %username%', 'Living With %username%', 'I Love %username%', 'The %username% Show', '%username% In The City', '%username%!',
'%username%\'s Life', 'All My %username%', '%username% And Me', '%username%\'s House', 'Visiting %username%', 'Being %username%', '%username% And %animal%',
'%username%\'s %object%', '%username% at %place%', '%username% in %place%', '%username%\'s %person%', '%object% and %object%', 'Living %object%s', 'At %place%',
'Living With %username%\'s %person%', 'Taking Care Of %username%\'s %person%', 'Taking Care Of %person%', 'Bringing Up %username%', 'Bringing Up %animal%s');
&shuffleArray(\@titles);
# There is undoubtedly still some poor misspelled actor's name in here. I'm not perfect.
@actors = ('Willie Aames', 'Joey Lauren Adams', 'Ben Affleck', 'Casey Affleck', 'Jessica Alba', 'Ariauna Albright', 'Alan Alda', 'Jason Alexander', 'Tatyana Ali', 'Tim Allen', 'Woody Allen',
'Kirstie Alley', 'Pamela Anderson Lee', 'Gillian Anderson', 'Richard Dean Anderson', 'Ursula Andress', 'Julie Andrews', 'Jennifer Aniston', 'Ann-Margret', 'Gabrielle Anwar',
'Shiri Appleby', 'Christina Applegate', 'Alan Arkin', 'Desi Arnaz', 'David Arquette', 'Patricia Arquette', 'Rosanna Arquette', 'Bea Arthur', 'Ed Asner', 'Jules Asner',
'Fred Astaire', 'Sean Astin', 'Rowan Atkinson', 'Gene Autry', 'Dan Aykroyd', 'Hank Azaria', 'Lauren Bacall', 'Kevin Bacon', 'Scott Baio', 'Josephine Baker', 'Scott Bakula',
'Adam Baldwin', 'Alec Baldwin', 'Daniel Baldwin', 'Michael Baldwin', 'Stephen Baldwin', 'Christian Bale', 'Fairuza Balk', 'Lucille Ball', 'Antonio Banderas', 'Brigitte Bardot',
'Drew Barrymore', 'John Barrymore', 'Mikhail Baryshnikov', 'Kim Basinger', 'Angela Bassett', 'Justine Bateman', 'Warren Beatty', 'Kate Beckinsale', 'Jason Behr', 'Harry Belafonte',
'Catherine Bell', 'Monica Bellucci', 'James Belushi', 'John Belushi', 'Roberto Benigni', 'Annette Bening', 'Jack Benny', 'Tom Berenger', 'Candice Bergen', 'Ingrid Bergman',
'Elizabeth Berkley', 'Sarah Bernhardt', 'Halle Berry', 'Valerie Bertinelli', 'Laura Bertram', 'James Best', 'Mayim Bialik', 'Jessica Biel', 'Jason Biggs', 'Juliette Binoche',
'Thora Birch', 'Jacqueline Bisset', 'Bill Bixby', 'Linda Blair', 'Selma Blair', 'Geoffrey Blake', 'Robert Blake', 'Rachel Blanchard', 'Cate Blanchett', 'Yasmine Bleeth',
'Orlando Bloom', 'Humphrey Bogart', 'Eric Bogosian', 'Danny Bonaduce', 'David Boreanaz', 'Ernest Borgnine', 'Julie Bowen', 'David Bowie', 'Lara Flynn Boyle', 'Wayne Brady',
'Kenneth Branagh', 'Marlon Brando', 'Brandy', 'Benjamin Bratt', 'Nicholas Brendon', 'Jim Breuer', 'Jordana Brewster', 'Jeff Bridges', 'Matthew Broderick', 'Adrien Brody',
'Charles Bronson', 'Albert Brooks', 'Avery Brooks', 'Louise Brooks', 'Mel Brooks', 'Pierce Brosnan', 'Zachery Ty Bryan', 'Yul Brynner', 'Genevieve Bujold', 'Sandra Bullock',
'David Burnham', 'George Burns', 'Levar Burton', 'Steve Buscemi', 'Gary Busey', 'Yancy Butler', 'Amanda Bynes', 'Gabriel Byrne', 'Scott Caan', 'Nicolas Cage', 'James Cagney',
'Dean Cain', 'Michael Caine', 'Brandon Call', 'Cab Calloway', 'Kirk Cameron', 'Bruce Campbell', 'Laura Campbell', 'Neve Campbell', 'Linda Cardellini', 'George Carlin',
'Robert Carlyle', 'Charisma Carpenter', 'David Carradine', 'Tia Carrere', 'Jim Carrey', 'Helena Bonham Carter', 'David Caruso', 'Dana Carvey', 'David Cassidy', 'Phoebe Cates',
'Kim Cattrall', 'Emma Caulfield', 'Tom Cavanaugh', 'Jackie Chan', 'Kyle Chandler', 'Lon Chaney', 'Charlie Chaplin', 'Charo', 'Chevy Chase', 'Anna Chlumsky', 'Margaret Cho',
'Erika Christensen', 'Petula Clark', 'Roy Clark', 'John Cleese', 'George Clooney', 'Glenn Close', 'Gary Cole', 'Nat King Cole', 'Gary Coleman', 'Joan Collins', 'Jennifer Connelly',
'Sean Connery', 'Harry Connick Jr.', 'Rachael Leigh Cook', 'Gary Cooper', 'Bill Cosby', 'Kevin Costner', 'Dave Coulier', 'Courteney Cox', 'Nikki Cox', 'Cindy Crawford',
'Russell Crowe', 'Billy Crudup', 'Tom Cruise', 'Penelope Cruz', 'Billy Crystal', 'Kieran Culkin', 'Macaulay Culkin', 'Alan Cumming', 'Tim Curry', 'Jamie Lee Curtis', 'Joan Cusack',
'John Cusack', 'Peter Cushing', 'Willem Dafoe', 'Timothy Dalton', 'Matt Damon', 'Claire Danes', 'Rodney Dangerfield', 'Tony Danza', 'Geena Davis', 'Sammy Davis Jr.', 'Doris Day',
'Daniel Day Lewis', 'Olivia de Havilland', 'John de Lancie', 'Rebecca De Mornay', 'Robert De Niro', 'Portia de Rossi', 'Peter R. de Vries', 'James Dean', 'Sandra Dee',
'Ellen DeGeneres', 'Benicio Del Toro', 'Patrick Dempsey', 'Judi Dench', 'Brian Dennehy', 'Bob Denver', 'Gerard Depardieu', 'Johnny Depp', 'Bo Derek', 'Laura Dern', 'Danny DeVito',
'Cameron Diaz', 'Leonardo DiCaprio', 'Andy Dick', 'Marlene Dietrich', 'Taye Diggs', 'Phyllis Diller', 'Matt Dillon', 'Shannen Doherty', 'James Doohan', 'Michael Dorn',
'Kirk Douglas', 'Michael Douglas', 'Robert Downey Jr.', 'Roma Downey', 'Fran Drescher', 'Richard Dreyfuss', 'Minnie Driver', 'David Duchovny', 'Patty Duke', 'Debbe Dunning',
'Kirsten Dunst', 'Robert Duvall', 'John Dye', 'Sheena Easton', 'Clint Eastwood', 'Buddy Ebsen', 'Anthony Edwards', 'Hallie Eisenberg', 'Carmen Electra', 'Jenna Elfman',
'Shannon Elizabeth', 'Cary Elwes', 'Robert Englund', 'Omar Epps', 'Emilio Estevez', 'Rupert Everett', 'Morgan Fairchild', 'Jimmy Fallon', 'Chris Farley', 'Colin Farrell',
'Jon Favreau', 'Farrah Fawcett', 'Corey Feldman', 'Will Ferrell', 'Sally Field', 'W.C. Fields', 'Ralph Fiennes', 'Harvey Fierstein', 'Colin Firth', 'Laurence Fishburne',
'Carrie Fisher', 'Calista Flockhart', 'Errol Flynn', 'Bridget Fonda', 'Henry Fonda', 'Jane Fonda', 'Peter Fonda', 'Harrison Ford', 'Claire Forlani', 'Jodie Foster',
'Michael J. Fox', 'Vivica Fox', 'Brendan Fraser', 'Morgan Freeman', 'Anna Friel', 'Soleil Moon Frye', 'Annette Funicello', 'Clark Gable', 'Greta Garbo', 'Andy Garcia',
'Judy Garland', 'Janeane Garofalo', 'Ana Gasteyer', 'Sarah Michelle Gellar', 'Richard Gere', 'Gina Gershon', 'Malcolm Gets', 'Leeza Gibbons', 'Mel Gibson', 'Crispin Glover',
'Danny Glover', 'Whoopi Goldberg', 'Jeff Goldblum', 'Bob Goldthwait', 'Cuba Gooding Jr.', 'John Goodman', 'Gilbert Gottfried', 'Topher Grace', 'Heather Graham',
'Kelsey Grammer', 'Cary Grant', 'Hugh Grant', 'Seth Green', 'Tom Green', 'Pam Grier', 'Andy Griffith', 'Melanie Griffith', 'Alec Guinness', 'Gene Hackman',
'Anthony Michael Hall', 'Mark Hamill', 'Linda Hamilton', 'Tom Hanks', 'Daryl Hannah', 'Alyson Hannigan', 'Mariska Hargitay', 'Angie Harmon', 'Woody Harrelson',
'Ed Harris', 'Neil Patrick Harris', 'Melissa Joan Hart', 'Phil Hartman', 'Josh Hartnett', 'David Hasselhoff', 'Richard Hatch', 'Teri Hatcher', 'Rutger Hauer',
'Ethan Hawke', 'Goldie Hawn', 'Salma Hayek', 'Sean Hayes', 'Rita Hayworth', 'Anthony Stewart Head', 'Patty Hearst', 'Anne Heche', 'Katherine Heigl', 'Mariel Hemingway',
'Jill Hennessy', 'Jim Henson', 'Natasha Henstridge', 'Audrey Hepburn', 'Katharine Hepburn', 'Charlton Heston', 'Jennifer Love Hewitt', 'Dustin Hoffman', 'Ian Holm',
'Katie Holmes', 'Bob Hope', 'Anthony Hopkins', 'Dennis Hopper', 'Lena Horne', 'Bob Hoskins', 'Vivian Hsu', 'Kelly Hu', 'Kate Hudson', 'Bonnie Hunt', 'Helen Hunt', 'Holly Hunter',
'Elizabeth Hurley', 'Anjelica Huston', 'Ice Cube', 'Eric Idle', 'Kathy Ireland', 'Jeremy Irons', 'Joshua Jackson', 'Samuel L. Jackson', 'Famke Janssen', 'Angelina Jolie',
'Al Jolson', 'James Earl Jones', 'Tommy Lee Jones', 'Spike Jonze', 'Michael Jordan', 'Milla Jovovich', 'Ashley Judd', 'Raul Julia', 'Anil Kapoor', 'Boris Karloff', 'Andy Kaufman',
'Danny Kaye', 'Buster Keaton', 'Diane Keaton', 'Michael Keaton', 'Harvey Keitel', 'David Keith', 'Gene Kelly', 'Grace Kelly', 'Jamie Kennedy', 'Patsy Kensit', 'Nicole Kidman',
'Val Kilmer', 'Ben Kingsley', 'Greg Kinnear', 'Kevin Kline', 'Kiera Knightley', 'Don Knotts', 'Jane Krakowski', 'Kris Kristofferson', 'Lisa Kudrow', 'Mila Kunis', 'Cheryl Ladd',
'Veronica Lake', 'Ali Landry', 'Diane Lane', 'Nathan Lane', 'Jessica Lange', 'Angela Lansbury', 'Anthony LaPaglia', 'Ali Larter', 'Cyndi Lauper', 'Jude Law', 'Lucy Lawless',
'Joey Lawrence', 'Martin Lawrence', 'George Lazenby', 'Denis Leary', 'Matt LeBlanc', 'Heath Ledger', 'Brandon Lee', 'Bruce Lee', 'Christopher Lee', 'Jason Lee', 'Jane Leeves',
'John Leguizamo', 'Jennifer Jason Leigh', 'Vivien Leigh', 'Laura Leighton', 'Jack Lemmon', 'Téa Leoni', 'Jared Leto', 'Emmanuel Lewis', 'Jerry Lewis', 'Matthew Lillard',
'Laura Linney', 'Ray Liotta', 'John Lithgow', 'Lucy Liu', 'Christopher Lloyd', 'Heather Locklear', 'Lindsay Lohan', 'Shelley Long', 'Jennifer Lopez', 'Mario Lopez', 'Traci Lords',
'Sophia Loren', 'Peter Lorre', 'Lori Loughlin', 'Dreyfus, Julia Loui', 'Courtney Love', 'Lyle Lovett', 'Jon Lovitz', 'Rob Lowe', 'Bela Lugosi', 'Dolph Lundgren', 'Ralph Macchio',
'Norm MacDonald', 'Kyle MacLachlan', 'Shirley MacLaine', 'Peter MacNicol', 'Elle MacPherson', 'William H. Macy', 'Madonna', 'Tobey Maguire', 'Tina Majorino', 'Lee Majors',
'John Malkovich', 'Terrence Mann', 'Jayne Mansfield', 'Sophie Marceau', 'Julianna Margulies', 'James Marsters', 'Dean Martin', 'Ricky Martin', 'Steve Martin', 'Lee Marvin',
'Groucho Marx', 'Mary Stuart Masterson', 'Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio', 'Walter Matthau', 'Jenny McCarthy', 'Rue McClanahan', 'Matthew McConaughey', 'Eric McCormack',
'Frances McDormand', 'Gates McFadden', 'Rose McGowan', 'Ewan McGregor', 'Sir Ian McKellen', 'Ed McMahon', 'Meat Loaf', 'Ethel Merman', 'Debra Messing', 'Jason Mewes', 'Breckin Meyer',
'Bette Midler', 'Alyssa Milano', 'Dennis Miller', 'Hayley Mills', 'Sal Mineo', 'Liza Minnelli', 'Dannii Minogue', 'Kylie Minogue', 'Beverley Mitchell', 'Brian Stokes Mitchell',
'Robert Mitchum', 'Jay Mohr', 'Marilyn Monroe', 'Ricardo Montalban', 'Demi Moore', 'Dudley Moore', 'Julianne Moore', 'Mary Tyler Moore', 'Michael Moore', 'Roger Moore',
'Rick Moranis', 'Viggo Mortensen', 'Carrie-Anne Moss', 'Bill Mumy', 'Brittany Murphy', 'Eddie Murphy', 'Bill Murray', 'Mike Myers', 'Jim Nabors', 'Liam Neeson', 'Sam Neill',
'Judd Nelson', 'Bebe Neuwirth', 'Bob Newhart', 'Paul Newman', 'Olivia Newton-John', 'Jack Nicholson', 'Leonard Nimoy', 'Gena Lee Nolin', 'Nick Nolte', 'Edward Norton',
'Kim Novak', 'Rosie O\'Donnell', 'Shaquille O\'Neal', 'Peter O\'Toole', 'Gary Oldman', 'Laurence Olivier', 'Ashley Olsen', 'Mary-Kate Olsen', 'Jerry Orbach', 'Julia Ormond',
'Haley Joel Osment', 'Frank Oz', 'Al Pacino', 'Chazz Palminteri', 'Gwyneth Paltrow', 'Joe Pantoliano', 'Anna Paquin', 'Andrea Parker', 'Sarah Jessica Parker', 'Mandy Patinkin',
'Robert Patrick', 'Bill Paxton', 'Guy Pearce', 'Minnie Pearl', 'Gregory Peck', 'Sean Penn', 'Rosie Perez', 'Luke Perry', 'Matthew Perry', 'Joe Pesci', 'Bernadette Peters',
'Michelle Pfeiffer', 'Ryan Phillippe', 'Joaquin Phoenix', 'River Phoenix', 'Slim Pickens', 'David Hyde Pierce', 'Jada Pinkett', 'Brad Pitt', 'Amanda Plummer', 'Amy Poehler',
'Sidney Poitier', 'Sarah Polley', 'Natalie Portman', 'Parker Posey', 'Pete Postlethwaite', 'Laura Prepon', 'Elvis Presley', 'Priscilla Presley', 'Jaime Pressly', 'Vincent Price',
'Jason Priestley', 'Louis Prima', 'Freddie Prinze Jr.', 'Richard Pryor', 'Bill Pullman', 'Dennis Quaid', 'Queen Latifah', 'Colin Quinn', 'Ted Raimi', 'Robert Redford',
'Vanessa Redgrave', 'Christopher Reeve', 'Keanu Reeves', 'Tara Reid', 'Brad Renfro', 'Paul Reubens', 'Burt Reynolds', 'Debbie Reynolds', 'Ving Rhames', 'Caroline Rhea',
'Jonathan Rhys Meyers', 'Christina Ricci', 'Denise Richards', 'Michael Richards', 'Patricia Richardson', 'Don Rickles', 'Alan Rickman', 'Molly Ringwald', 'John Ritter',
'Jason Robards', 'Tim Robbins', 'Julia Roberts', 'Paul Robeson', 'Chris Rock', 'Dennis Rodman', 'Joe Rogan', 'Ginger Rogers', 'Mimi Rogers', 'Roy Rogers', 'Will Rogers',
'Cesar Romero', 'Mickey Rooney', 'Isabella Rossellini', 'Mickey Rourke', 'RuPaul', 'Geoffrey Rush', 'Keri Russell', 'Kurt Russell', 'Rene Russo', 'Jeri Ryan', 'Meg Ryan',
'Winona Ryder', 'Bob Saget', 'Giacomo, Laura Sa', 'Adam Sandler', 'Horatio Sanz', 'Mia Sara', 'Susan Sarandon', 'Rob Schneider', 'Rick Schroeder', 'Arnold Schwarzenegger',
'David Schwimmer', 'Seann Scott', 'Steven Seagal', 'Jerry Seinfeld', 'Tom Selleck', 'Peter Sellers', 'Chloe Sevigny', 'Jane Seymour', 'Tupac Shakur', 'Garry Shandling',
'Molly Shannon', 'William Shatner', 'Harry Shearer', 'Charlie Sheen', 'Martin Sheen', 'Sam Shepard', 'Cybill Shepherd', 'Brooke Shields', 'Pauly Shore', 'Martin Short',
'Elisabeth Shue', 'Sarah Silverman', 'Alicia Silverstone', 'Frank Sinatra', 'Sinbad', 'Gary Sinise', 'Tom Sizemore', 'Christian Slater', 'Kevin Smith', 'Will Smith', 'Jimmy Smits',
'Wesley Snipes', 'Leelee Sobieski', 'Rena Sofer', 'Suzanne Somers', 'Kevin Sorbo', 'Mira Sorvino', 'Kevin Spacey', 'David Spade', 'James Spader', 'Tori Spelling', 'Brent Spiner',
'Sylvester Stallone', 'John Stamos', 'Ben Stein', 'Jimmy Stewart', 'Jon Stewart', 'Patrick Stewart', 'Julia Stiles', 'Ben Stiller', 'Sharon Stone', 'Madeleine Stowe',
'Meryl Streep', 'Barbra Streisand', 'Marc Summers', 'Keifer Sutherland', 'Mena Suvari', 'Hilary Swank', 'Patrick Swayze', 'Jodie Sweetin', 'George Takei', 'Quentin Tarantino',
'Elizabeth Taylor', 'Shirley Temple', 'Charlize Theron', 'Alan Thicke', 'Tiffani-Amber Thiessen', 'Jonathan Taylor Thomas', 'Kristin Scott Thomas', 'Emma Thompson',
'Billy Bob Thornton', 'Uma Thurman', 'Maura Tierney', 'Justin Timberlake', 'Marisa Tomei', 'Lily Tomlin', 'Rip Torn', 'Randy Travis', 'John Travolta', 'Danny Trejo',
'Jeanne Tripplehorn', 'Verne Troyer', 'John Turturro', 'Liv Tyler', 'Tracey Ullman', 'Jean Claude van Damme', 'James Van Der Beek', 'Dick Van Dyke', 'Vince Vaughn', 'Ben Vereen',
'Abe Vigoda', 'Jon Voight', 'Max von Sydow', 'Mark Wahlberg', 'Tom Waits', 'Christopher Walken', 'Sela Ward', 'Denzel Washington', 'Emma Watson', 'Keenen Ivory Wayans', 'Marlon Wayans',
'Shawn Wayans', 'John Wayne', 'Sigourney Weaver', 'Hugo Weaving', 'Michael T. Weiss', 'Rachel Weisz', 'Raquel Welch', 'Lawrence Welk', 'Adam West', 'Mae West', 'Wil Wheaton',
'Forest Whitaker', 'Vanna White', 'Gene Wilder', 'Kimberly Williams', 'Robin Williams', 'Vanessa Williams', 'Bruce Willis', 'Bridgette Wilson', 'Peta Wilson', 'Oprah Winfrey',
'Henry Winkler', 'Kate Winslet', 'Reese Witherspoon', 'Alicia Witt', 'Elijah Wood', 'Steven Wright', 'Noah Wyle', 'Michelle Yeoh', 'Chow Yun Fat', 'Rick Yune', 'Billy Zane',
'Renee Zellweger', 'Catherine Zeta-Jones');
if (!$username) {
# Present default username-input screen.
$username = '';
print $q->header, $q->start_html('Your LiveJournal Sitcom'), 'What\'s Your LiveJournal Sitcom?
';
print 'Just input your username to get a brief synopsis of the next episode of your LiveJournal Sitcom.
';
print $q->start_form, '', $q->end_form;
print 'Have you tried my other toys?
';
print '
Ryan N. Freebern / rfreebern@corknut.org', $q->end_html;
} else {
# Get user's friends, randomise them.
@friends = split(/, /, &getFriends($username));
if (scalar @friends > 0) { &shuffleArray(\@friends); } # Randomise the list of friends if it isn't empty.
# Make sure username-string is at least three characters long, because we use the first three characters to determine show title, channel, and time.
if (length($username) < 3) { $username .= $username . $username; }
@characters = split(//, $username);
# Select title based on first letter. This is pointless, because the titles array is randomised anyway, so I should have just grabbed the first one.
$let = pop(@characters);
$title = $titles[ord($let) % scalar @titles];
# Select channel name from list based on next letter.
$let = pop(@characters);
@channels = qw/PBS ABC CBS NBC UPN PAX FOX WB FX HBO SHOWTIME FOXFAM TBS TNN/;
$channel = $channels[ord($let) % scalar @channels];
# Calculate show start time based on third letter.
$let = pop(@characters);
$time = (ord($let) % 12) + 1;
if ((ord($let) % 2) + 1 == 2) { $time .= ':30'; } else { $time .= ':00'; }
if ($time eq '12:00') { $time = 'Midnight'; }
$description = "$title ($channel, $time): ";
# Determine how many sentences we can have in the description, based on number of user's friends.
if (scalar @friends == 0) {
# This user has no friends. Bummer. I'll be his/her friend! Yay!
push(@friends, 'rfreebern');
$t1 = 1;
} elsif (scalar @friends % 2 == 0) {
$t1 = scalar @friends / 2;
} else {
$t1 = (scalar @friends - 1) / 2;
}
# $t1 is now the maximum number of sentences we can generate, since each sentence has two friends in it. However, we only want 5 at most or else these
# show-descriptions will be way too long for many people. So we'll cut it down to 5.
$t1 = 5 if ($t1 > 5);
# Grab all but the last sentence, with a joining phrase at the end of each one.
while ($t1 > 1) {
$description .= pop(@sentences) . ' ';
$description .= pop(@joins) . ' ';
$t1--;
}
# Grab the last sentence, followed by an ending phrase.
$description .= pop(@sentences) . ' ';
$description .= pop(@ends);
# Replace placeholders with word-list entries.
# First %friend% should be the current user, since it's his/her show!
# We determine a user's actor based on the sum of the ASCII values of the characters in his/her username.
$t1 = 0;
@characters = split(//, $username);
foreach $let (@characters) { $t1 += ord($let); }
$t1 = $actors[$t1 % scalar @actors];
$description =~ s|%friend%|$username ($t1)|;
while ($description =~ /%username%/) {
$description =~ s/%username%/$username/;
}
while ($description =~ /%friend%/) {
$t1 = pop(@friends);
$t2 = 0;
@characters = split(//, $t1);
foreach $let (@characters) { $t2 += ord($let); }
$t2 = $actors[$t2 % scalar @actors];
$description =~ s|%friend%|$t1 ($t2)|;
}
while ($description =~ /%object%/) {
$t1 = pop(@objects);
$description =~ s/%object%/$t1/;
}
while ($description =~ /%place%/) {
$t1 = pop(@places);
$description =~ s/%place%/$t1/;
}
while ($description =~ /%person%/) {
$t1 = pop(@people);
$description =~ s/%person%/$t1/;
}
while ($description =~ /%concept%/) {
$t1 = pop(@concepts);
$description =~ s/%concept%/$t1/;
}
while ($description =~ /%animal%/) {
$t1 = pop(@animals);
$description =~ s/%animal%/$t1/;
}
# Now we build the output page, with all its bells and whistles.
$description = "';
print $q->header, $q->start_html('Your LiveJournal Sitcom'), "\n";
print $description, '| Copy and paste this into your LiveJournal:';
print " | \n";
print $q->start_form, ' |
', $q->end_form;
# Some people worried that the script was accessing their private journal entries, so I added this to let people know that the script
# was respectful of their privacy. Plus, it doesn't have any more access to LJ stuff than any anonymous user.
print 'For your information: this script only accesses publicly available information about your LiveJournal account -- namely, the friends listed in your user info.
';
# This bit wins the "most ignored paragraph" award. I got dozens of emails complaining about the inclusion of communities and the use of opposite-gender
# actors and actresses from the selected users. I guess some people just don't like to read!
print 'Note: I know that it sometimes uses communities. I can\'t figure out a way to stop that without possibly hugely taxing the LiveJournal servers, so ';
print 'I\'m just leaving it as is. I also know that occasionally weird grammar and spelling errors appear, since many words are randomly selected from word-lists. And yes, ';
print 'sometimes males are played by females, and vice versa. Just consider it equal-opportunity casting.
';
print 'If you enjoyed using this, I\'d sure love to hear from you. If you really enjoyed ';
print 'using this, you could consider making a tiny donation via PayPal to encourage me to make more! Just ';
print 'click on the button below to get started. Thanks!
';
# I've removed the PayPal stuff. If you want to send me a donation, though, you can do it manually via PayPal! rfreebern@corknut.org :)
print 'Have you tried my other toys?
';
print '
Ryan N. Freebern / rfreebern@corknut.org';
print $q->end_html;
}
exit 0;
# Randomise order of elements in an array.
# This is the classic Fisher-Yates shuffle algorithm. It is O(n).
sub shuffleArray {
my $array = shift;
my ($i, $r);
for ($i = @$array; --$i;) {
$r = int rand ($i + 1);
@$array[$i,$r] = @$array[$r,$i];
}
}
# Get user's friends list from LJ. This is just primitive screen-scraping, and really needs to be rewritten to be more robust.
# For instance, a couple of users had the phrase "Community Info" in their userinfo bios, which caused the script to discard
# their userinfo, thinking that they were communities. That could definitely be dealt with better.
#
# Also, the caching is only done once, and is set to never expire. This is semi-bad, because then if a user goes and modifies
# their friends-list and tries the meme again, they'll get the same results. But in the interest of efficiency, there isn't
# really a better way to do this without explicitly asking the user if they've recently made a change. :/
sub getFriends {
my $user = shift;
my $cacheDir = '/home/user/cache'; # Path to the local information cache directory. Needs to be writeable by the webserver user.
my $url = "http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=$user"; # LJ userinfo page url.
my $cache = new Cache::FileCache({'cache_root' => $cacheDir,
'cache_depth' => 5,
'directory_umask' => 022});
# Get the user's friends from the cache if it's there.
my $page = $cache->get($url);
# If not, we'll get it from the LJ servers.
if (!defined $page) {
$page = &get($url) or return undef; # This users the LWP::Simple get() function to retrieve the userinfo page.
# And now, the regexp dance!
$page =~ s/\n//gs; # Make this into one big line.
if ($page =~ m/Community Info/) { $page = ''; } # Filter out communities.
if ($page =~ m/Suspended Account/) { $page = ''; } # Filter out suspended accounts.
if ($page =~ m/Deleted Account/) { $page = ''; } # Filter out deleted accounts.
if ($page =~ m/Syndicated Account/) { $page = ''; } # Filter out syndicated accounts.
if ($page =~ m/Purged Account/) { $page = ''; } # Fitler out purged accounts.
if ($page =~ m/Unknown user/) { $page = ''; } # Filter out invalid usernames.
if ($page =~ m/Malformed username/) { $page = ''; } # Filter out bad usernames.
$page =~ s/^.*?Friends<\/a>:<\/b>//; # Chop off the stuff before the friends list.
$page =~ s/<\/tr>.*$//; # Chop off the stuff after the friends list.
$page =~ s/<.*?>//g; # Eliminate HTML.
$page =~ s/\d+?:\s//; # Get rid of the number of friends at the beginning of the list.
if ($page =~ m/None listed/) { $page = ''; } # No friends.
if ($page =~ m/View Friends \./) { $page = ''; } # Too many friends!
$cache->set($user, $page, 'never'); # Put this parsed info into the cache.
}
return $page;
}